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Acceptence Speech

And the nominees for this yearís schmuck of the year are in. Please remember the very carefully chosen requirements to even be nominated for this prestigious award, the nominee must have stayed up past too in the morning every morning for the past year believing if they fell asleep then their friendsí lives would go to hell because they werenít right there if they needed them. They must have been treated like shit from at least two of their friends and come back for more and finally must have been a semi-finalist in this yearís essay contest, and Iíll remind you that this yearís topic was ďHow to have an opinion that might conflict with your friendsí opinion and how to bite back to bite back your tongue and feel like shit while doing it.Ē And the nominees are:

John Doe
Mr. Smith
Joe Schmo

And the award goes to:

John Doe.

Iíd like to thank the little people
Who got me here today
I can't believe this is happening
Iím not sure what to say
Iím sure if Iíd have known
Iíd wouldíve had a speech prepared
But nobody told me it was gonna happen
And thatís just not fair